I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
