you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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