I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
