so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
