Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
