found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
