i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
