Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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