i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
