It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
