Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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