I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
