Jerry, you need to find god
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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