I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
