Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
