he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
