I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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