Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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