no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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