just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
