can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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