it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
