we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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