I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
