Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
