well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
