I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize