dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
