so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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