so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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