i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize