I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
where are you?
Hypothermia
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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