You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
