My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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