you traded sex for a burrito?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
