oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
