GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
