He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
soo... how was my night?
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