can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
