I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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