Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
