i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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