she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
