I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
