I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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