I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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