I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
false alarm, still single
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
