My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
