At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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