I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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