i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's get the cat blown out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
