Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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