just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
