You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize