how hairy? two words: wookie tits
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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