I think my fart just growled at me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
