i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
