I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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