Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
