We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let's get the cat blown out
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
