I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The air was thick with penises
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
