Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
