I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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