once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
