If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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