I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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