I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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