Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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