well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
