I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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