Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
