Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
