she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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