I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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