oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
