so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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