I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
