You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize